


Not a Llama (Probably)

by StormyDaze



Category: The Librarians (TV 2014)
Genre: Crack, Magical Artifacts, Mpreg, The Author Regrets Nothing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2020-07-24 22:44:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20022241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StormyDaze/pseuds/StormyDaze
Summary: “I told you not to touch the statue!” Stone snarled.





	Not a Llama (Probably)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [reeby10](https://archiveofourown.org/users/reeby10/gifts).



“I told you not to touch the statue!” Stone snarled.

“You said it was a healing thingy!” Ezekiel countered, patting his absolutely enormous stomach, which had shredded his shirt and now hung low and round in front of him.

“I said that I thought one of the runes meant ‘life,’ or possibly ‘llamas,’ it was hard to tell!” Stone said. “What if you turned into a llama, hm?”

“Well, I’m not a llama,” Ezekiel said. His eyes widened. “What if there’s a llama inside of me? Do you think I’m pregnant with a llama?”

“You’re not pregnant with a llama,” Baird said. “Probably. Sit down.” She pushed Ezekiel into a nearby couch. “Jenkins! Please tell me we have something on magical pregnancies!”

“Not much, I’m afraid,” Jenkins said, leafing through a book. “There’s a record of something like this near Tripoli 1327, but…” He grimaced and flipped hastily to a different page. “Well, I’m sure that won’t happen in this case.”

“What won’t happen?” Ezekiel demanded.

“We were nowhere near Tripoli,” Baird said. “We weren’t even on the same continent as Tripoli.”

“So likely it’s something completely different,” Jenkins said.

Cassandra, meanwhile, seated herself on the couch next to Ezekiel and rubbed his belly. “What are you going to name it?” she asked. “I think you should name it Cassandra, if it’s a girl. Or Ada Lovelace.”

“He’s not going to name it anything, if it’s a llama,” Stone said.

“Be nice to my llama son!” Ezekiel said, apparently over his panic now.

“Or daughter,” Cassandra added.

“I’ll love it no matter what species it is,” Ezekiel said. He pulled out his phone. “Do you think it’s too late to set up a baby registry? I don’t have a crib or anything for it. Or toys! I have to get it some toys. What else do babies need?”

“Diapers,” Cassandra said. “Lots and lots of diapers.”

“My house isn’t childproofed!” Ezekiel exclaimed. “What if it falls down the stairs? What if it sticks its finger in a light socket? I’m not ready to be a parent yet!”

“Jenkins, _please_ tell me we have some way to get this thing out of him,” Baird said.

“Don’t hurt it!” Ezekiel said. He was now in the process of trying to register mymagicalmiraclebaby.wordpress.com and was dismayed to find that it was taken. He tried magicallyimpregnatedbyanancientartifact.wordpress.com and had better luck.

“Should I be thinking about preschools yet?” he asked. “Some of them have huge waiting lists, I want to make sure that he gets into all the best schools.”

“Or she,” said Cassandra. “And you know I can teach it math better than any dumb preschool. Stone can teach it history and art. Baird can be the PE teacher.”

“You’re right, perhaps a homeschooling approach would be better,” Ezekiel admitted, now bookmarking every mommy blog he could find.

“I’m not teaching art to a llama,” Stone said.

“It’s not a llama!” Baird shouted. “Probably!”

“Stone, get me some chocolate ice cream, I’m having cravings,” Ezekiel said.

“I’ll show you cravings,” Stone growled. Cassandra leapt to her feet and wrestled him away from Ezekiel.

“Okay, I think this ritual should, um, birth the child without causing harm to either it or Ezekiel,” Jenkins said. “But it’s going to require an arrowhead carved out of ivory, the blood of a chicken slaughtered beneath a full moon, ten beeswax candles, and a horsehair from a white stallion.”

“I’m on the arrowhead,” Stone said. He was out the door before anyone else could blink.

“I can do candles,” Cassandra volunteered.

“I’ll see about the horsehair and the… chicken blood,” Baird agreed reluctantly. “Ezekiel, stay here and don’t touch any more artifacts.”

“You’re going to love it around here,” Ezekiel said to his stomach. “It never gets boring, that’s for sure.”

**Author's Note:**

> No, I did not check if either of those urls existed.


End file.
